A Journey Back To Pole
I am about to be brutally honest. I poled this week for the first time in almost 6 months. That $h!t was HARD. Like... really hard. I wish I could say the cookie cutter feel good things like “it felt amazing” or “I felt like I was getting back to myself” or even “I embraced this feeling and blah blah blah.”
Issa strong NOPE. I had very low expectations going into it and knew my body wouldn’t be able to do a majority of the things it used to do. I felt like a stranger in a foreign place. My hands are soft and my calluses are gone. My feet kept cramping because I don’t know the last time I pointed my toes. I had to laugh to stop from crying.
I have been an athlete and dancer since the age of 3. I have pushed my body past it’s limits and I’m not gonna lie, I have done some pretty amazing things! Pole has been one of the most challenging things I have ever done...until I pushed out a baby.
They say after 6 weeks you can return back to working out and having sex because things are starting to heal. I actually saw an article that said “if you do these certain exercises, by six weeks postpartum you can literally hit the ground running!” I laughed out loud because the other day I tried to chase Wesley down the hall after his walk and thought my vagina was actually going to fall out. Yes. You read that correctly! I thought to myself whoever this bionic woman is that can hit the ground running 6 weeks after giving birth must have a pelvic floor of steel! I am happy if I bend down and pick something up while holding the baby and not feel like my knees or hips are going to give out!
Pole has given me muscles in places I didn’t think you could have muscles. More importantly it has given me confidence in a way I never knew was possible. I didn’t love my body until I started pole dancing. I write that with tears in my eyes because I remember the day I looked at myself in the mirror during a pole class and for the first time really loved what I saw. After years of having low self esteem and body image issues from dance, gymnastics and cheerleading, I had finally found a sport that made me feel like a total Bad Ass!
This week, all of that felt like a distant memory. The simplest moves felt advanced and though my brain was telling my body to do things, my body wasn't listening. The only thing I could do was listen to the music and move. Don’t overthink. Just. Move. Even that was weird. It has never felt like this before. Holy Cow...We got a long journey ahead of us folks!
Now don't get me wrong I think I am superwoman for creating human life and pushing out an entire human! I loved every moment of my labor and delivery and my birth story will be something I cherish forever. Every day is a new day. And every day I remind myself that birth is traumatic on the body. Not only is it a shock to every muscle in your body but your nervous system is affected, your cortisol levels spike and your hormones are raging out of control!
Things are starting to settle down and my hormones are returning back to their normal levels. My postpartum hair shed is one for the books and we have had to get the shower drain snaked twice already! After poling yesterday so many women had the most encouraging words! I received messages and dm’s that let me know I am not alone. We as women are so supportive of each other! The main thing everyone said was “be kind to yourself” and “take it slow”. I am grateful for everyone who reminded me of this because I felt a sense of urgency to get back to being a Bad Ass. I am giving myself a Public Service Announcement that I may have to repeat multiple times a day and that is “Dalijah, calm down girl, you will get there!”